My wedding is a month away and I've had it up to here(raises hand over head) with stupid wedding shit. We should of just gone to the Court House but NO...CANDICE WANTED A FANCY PRETTY WEDDING WITH FLOWERS AND SHIT. So over ALL of the wedding stuff.

In other news, WE GOT A PLACE! So happy we did because I did not want to live with Jim's parents when we got married. Oh hell no.

My job is a bit better, I get along with the crew more and I'm not wanting to be so up tight about my job. I work for a coffee house for christ sakes!

The weather in SLC sucks balls! It has put me in the most grumpy mood lately. Grr...I can't fucking stand it any longer!!!!!!

Well take care y'all!

    
So I've started going to the gym and this was my 2rd time. My friend Saraih gets me to work out on this machine that kicked my ass and well I had to stop and throw up.

It was embarrassing  because after I left the stall some lady brushing her hair gave me this look of disgust and I honestly don't blame her. Hearing someone throw up is pretty nasty. All in all good work out and I feel great!!!!!!!!!

    Today was a nice, lazy day. I read a little bit of a new book I'm reading called The Tao of Physics  (An Exploration of the Parallels Between Modern Physics and Eastern Mysticism)by Fritjof Capra. It's actually quite interesting, also Jim and I are reading together I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell by Tucker Max. This guy's book is basically him talking about partying and sex and how stupid everyone is but it's extremely  funny.

    I hula hooped for all together 2 and a half hours today, stopping here and there for lunch & help clean our place (we can see the carpet now weee!). I'm getting a little better at hooping I can dance and keep hooping. This is a big deal for me because I hate working out and now I found something that keeps me happy and help me lose weight (I'm somewhere between 185 to 190...not good). I listen to music and hoop which is very relaxing for me and fucking fun fuck yea!

    One bad thing happen today, the car is broken and Jim's father Mr. Mac Douche is being a total dickweed and won't let us drive his wife's car who isn't using it due to being really sick :*(.

    On a brighter note, I have a interview for a Assistant Manager position @ another store tomorrow. So wish me luck.

Chow!

Just got the wedding dress today! It was the dress so I had to get it and its nicely priced too. I can't wait to wear it! I'm also taking another shoot for my invitation photos on Sunday and just made a payment on the Chapel in Vegas last Sunday. It seems to me everything is falling into place but still more to do...much more!

I  feel like shit,

I have been working all weekend long and early too. I think its getting to me & I was suppose to go dress shopping with friends & my little sister. :( I don't want to go dress shopping or do wedding stuff anymore. Too much money and a waste of energy is being used up for a small ceremony.  I wish sometimes I didn't want a wedding. But I do so I should just deal with it. blah.

My Fiance wanted to get a new Betta So in Salt Lake City there is this fish store called Fish 4 U. There is amazing selection of fish freshwater and saltwater. There is more then fish, shrimp, snails and even frogs. If you live in S.L.C you should go there.

Anyways, I ended up picking a half moon white and blue Betta his name is Francis. Then We went to PetSmart and bought a female Betta with red, white and pink! I named her Danila.

As happy as I am to have this beautiful Betta fishes but I miss Charles still. In other words, I should of waited to get new fish.

This morning was sad for me,

I lost a pet of mine a Beautiful blue Betta fish named Charles. He was a unique fish and had a mixture of green and reds in his silk like fins.
He would swim around in his tank for hours (because what else his there for a fish to do) and try attacking his own reflection if he saw it.
I loved watching him swim it reminded me of dancing and the way he ate his food, oh! what a mad little fucker. he would attack his food. it always made me smile and laugh.
Last night he got sick with something, we ( my fiance and I) gave him medicine but it was too late to save him.
I will truly miss you my fish friend. god speed and i love you

* First thing I've written in a year and a half and its a real downer. My inspiration? A wicked hang over and being at work six in the morning. I'll try to write something more happy next time.'*


We think we're all heroes.
But we're not, life doesn't work that way.

We look behind a lot more then we should
which holds us back.
Life moves without us.

Find yourself saying," maybe if I did something they would still but here."
Wake up, things are the way they are for fucked up reasons.
Thats how life works.

No god or national leaders can ever stop it.
Face it kid, We are born to die.

I woke up, took a shower and all I wanted today was a Cig and Beer! I don't smoke anymore...in til today and you know what? It felt great! The beer was just Amber Bock but it was still beer. I know this entry is pretty pointless ( just like this website) but who knows...Maybe next time I'll have a poem on here!

So I have had this almost two year long blocking my creative flow. So maybe this page will help...hopefully. Guess I'll wait and see.